


you're never gonna fit in much, kid

by bradmajor



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: M/M, juvie au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-05
Updated: 2015-07-05
Packaged: 2018-04-07 18:43:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4273962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bradmajor/pseuds/bradmajor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nico remembers the first day he was there, when he was panicking about not belonging, and realizes suddenly that he does. They're all messed up, they've all been wronged, and they've all been given a chance to redeem themselves.<br/>-<br/>(aka the one where Nico goes to juvie and discovers a lot about himself, the world, and Jason)</p>
            </blockquote>





	you're never gonna fit in much, kid

**Author's Note:**

> i have no idea how the juvie system works so i took a few (read: a lot) of liabilities. enjoy!

Of all the things Nico thought he'd be doing on his seventeenth birthday, he never thought he'd be sitting in a jail cell.

He shifts on the stiff surface of the mattress and reaches into the pocket of his oversized hoodie, only to have his fingers close around nothing. He forgot that when he came in the policeman had taken everything off him.

He groans and buries his head in his hands, feeling a headache start at his temples. _How the fuck did this happen?_ he thinks to himself, but he knows exactly how it happened. His friends showed up at his house and announced that they were going to the mall to shoplift some birthday presents for Nico. Unbeknownst to them, the shitty little mall they frequented had recently decided to install security alarms, and they got caught sneaking out with almost two hundred dollars' worth of assorted crap.

At that point Nico was thinking _okay, we're fucked, but we're all in this together_ , but as usual, the universe had a cruel way of making his life much harder than it had to be. Somehow, Luke - with his fast tongue and honeyed words and deep blue eyes that looked innocent if he batted his eyelashes enough - managed to convince the cop that it was all Nico's fault. Nico had expected some kind of backup from Silena and Ethan, but it turns out both of them were too scared of Luke to defend Nico, their supposed friend.  
Nico smiles faintly at the memory of punching Luke square in the mouth before the mall cop wrestled him away. He wouldn't forget that for a while.

He hears the cell door slide open, the hinges shrieking in a way that made his headache pulse hot-white. He lifts his head wearily and blinks at the figure looming over him. _Fuck_ , he thinks, staring up at his father. He looks the same as he always does; perfectly tailored suit, perfectly slicked-back hair, disappointed expression mangling his hardened features.

'I hope you know that you pulled me out of what could possibly have been the most important meeting of my life for your ridiculous shenanigans,' his father says coldly.

'Hello to you too,' Nico mutters. 'Can I get out now?'

His father's scowl deepens. 'You can, but not for long.'

'What's that supposed to mean?' Nico asks, his stomach sinking.

'If you had just been caught stealing I could have bailed you out, but amongst the stolen goods were several bottles of alcohol' - _fuck_ \- 'and you've also been absent from school for almost two weeks with no explanation' - _double fuck_ \- 'so the police have no choice but to send you to a juvenile detention center.' Nico's father says those three words like he was saying the "deepest pits of hell".

Nico's jaw drops, and for a moment the shock renders him speechless. 'Wh - they can't just do that!' he protests feebly. 'C'mon, can't they be bribed?'

'I tried,' his father says. 'And I'm glad they said no, because I'm sick of you acting out and facing no consequences.'

Nico doesn't try to hold in his derisive laugh. 'If you think I should be punished why don't you, as my father and legal guardian, do it?' he spits out. 'Or better yet, maybe if you acknowledged my existence every once in a while, I wouldn't even be acting out! Ever thought of that?'

His father ignores that, like he does with most of the things Nico says. 'You will collect your things now,' he says in a clipped tone, leaving no room for argument. 'You will come home for seven days on a probation period; if you behave, your sentence will only be two weeks. Then you will go to the detention center. After that, well ... I'll have to think long and hard about whether I allow you in my house again.'

Anger flares up inside Nico, and as usual, words fly out of his mouth before he can even comprehend them. 'Well, I don't want to come back to your house anyway! Don't even pretend to have to "think about it"! I bet you've been waiting for me to fuck off ever since - '

Nico's brain catches up with him and he clamps his mouth shut so fast he nearly bites the tip of his tongue off, but it's too late. His father's lips purse and his expression grows icy. He glares at Nico for what seems like ages before storming out of the cell.

Nico closes his eyes and inhales sharply through his nose. 'Fuck,' he hisses, and he punches the wall of the cell once before following his father out. During the ride home, he silently stares down at his hands, both bloodied and bruised from the separate punches they'd taken. He's grateful for the pain; he can pretend the tears in his eyes are because of his throbbing knuckles.

* * *

The Brunner Detention Center For Wayward Youth. That's the name of the place Nico is being shipped off to. He can't help but feel contempt towards it; it sounds like a nineteenth century orphanage. In reality, it's the best (and most expensive) detention center in New York. Nico had heard of it from the people in his circle. According to them, it was a joke. You got your own room, the food was great, the 'counselors' were totally laid-back, and instead of actual community service you got to do shit like arts and crafts or gardening.

It seems like a dream, but Nico is dreading it. If he was just a normal teen, he'd probably be in some hellhole juvie, eating instant mashed potatoes and trying to avoid being someone's bitch. But no, his father just has to be one of the richest lawyers in New York, and now he's being sent to this fancy place where the other kids are probably all as stuck-up and prissy as the children of all his father's friends. Nico knows it sounded ridiculous, complaining about being rich, but all he'd ever wanted was to be normal. Besides, the amount of money his father earned didn't come easy; he had to work basically 24/7. Nico's pretty sure his father spoke to his assistant more than he did to his own son.

 _How ironic,_ Nico thinks bitterly as he sits on the rooftop of their penthouse suite, shivering in the winter wind. _He works so hard to get all this money keep me living this lifestyle and I end up a delinquent fuck-up anyway. Not like_ \- he stopped his train of thought abruptly. Thinking about Bianca never ended well. He's already in a shitty place mentally, and he isn't about to go down that road for what must be the millionth time.

Instead, he lies back and looks up at the stars, barely visible through the layers of car exhaust fumes and cigarette smoke. He'd read somewhere that the stars are so far away, by the time the image of them reaches your eyes they're already dead. In some morbid, messed-up way, it gives him hope. Even though they were dead, ruined, past the point of saving, they were still beautiful.

* * *

A week later finds Nico in the back of the car while his dad drives, neither of them speaking, the air thick with uncomfortable tension. He looks down at his hands, folded in his lap. He idly thinks about what little he's read about body language. The way he's sitting right now, all hunched in on himself like he's trying to grow smaller and smaller and eventually disappear, would imply that he's feeling isolated and closed-off.

The cuts on his knuckles have started to heal. He wonders if Luke's face is still bruised. He hopes it is.

Nico's father has to come with him into the center to sign some documents that Nico doesn't know or care much about. It's big, Nico notes, with austere-looking walls and a neat garden. It looks more like a hospital than a juvie hall. On the inside, though, it reminds him more of a school. He waits in a lobby-type are while his father does whatever he has to do. There are paintings hung up on the wall, and Nico thinks, _shit, they weren't kidding about the arts and crafts thing._

His father reappears soon enough, and Nico stands up for some reason. They stand in front of each other, Nico having to crane his neck up to look his father in the face.

'Goodbye, Nico,' his father says evenly.

'Goodbye,' Nico says. It feels weird on his tongue, probably because he knows it's their last goodbye, that both of them were being serious about Nico not returning home.  
His father opens his mouth like he's going to say something, but Nico breaks eye contact and looks down at the floor determinedly. He doesn't think he can handle hearing anymore, and he'll be damned if he cries in front of his father. Several heavy moments pass, and finally Nico's father walks away, and Nico feels like his chest is being stepped on with every footstep.

After what seems like ages he hears the door shut. He releases a breath he didn't realize he was holding.

'Nico?' a voice sounds, and he looks up. A woman is standing and holding a clipboard, looking at him quizzically.

'Yeah,' he says, clearing his throat.

'Kindly follow me into Mr Brunner's office,' she says, and leaves the lobby. Nico follows her into the corridor. He remembers reading something about doorways, and how in literature they signify change, the crossing over from something into something else.

* * *

Mr Brunner isn't as scary as Nico thought he would be. He's not that old, probably in his fifties, and his face looks kind, laugh lines creasing the corners of his eyes. He gives Nico some pre-rehearsed speech that Nico guesses is meant to be inspirational or some shit.

Mr Brunner ends it by saying, 'We all make mistakes, Nico. It's a part of life. But it's not your mistakes that say something about you, it's how you react to them. I do believe you can turn this around, Nico. We wouldn't have accepted you here if we didn't think so.'

 _No, you wouldn't have accepted me here if my father didn't pay you enough,_ he thinks, but he doesn't say anything because Brunner seems nice enough and Nico has a feeling that mouthing off to the director of the place won't help him at all. Instead, he plasters on a fake smile and nods. He's had plenty of experience with that.

The woman from before, Mrs Dodds, leads Nico to his room. The halls are oddly quiet, and even though he strains his ears the only things he can hear are Mrs Dodd's pointy heels clacking against the polished marble floor.

'So, uh, where is everyone?' he asks, struggling to keep up with her brisk pace while carrying a duffel containing all of his belongings.

'In the garden for the physical education class,' Mrs Dodds replies. Nico bites back a groan. He hopes it isn't a regular thing.

Mrs Dodds stops outside a door marked #38, and hands him a similarly marked key. 'Here we are,' she announces. 'The others will be back in approximately half an hour, and then another half hour is allowed for showering. That should be enough time for you to get settled in before lunch. Any questions?'  
Nico has many questions. For instance, _how the hell did I end up this way?_ or _why do I always care about people more than they care about me?_ or _do you think my father's always hated me, or is it just because he resents me for surviving the car crash that killed my mom and sister?_ , but he doesn't think Mrs Dodds has the answer to any of those, so he just says, 'No.'

'Wonderful.' With that, she takes off again. Nico waits for her to round the corner before opening up his new room. 

It's nice, he decides. The walls are an unassuming white. On one side of the room is a queen-sized bed and a bedside table, and on the other is a wardrobe. Above the bed is a bookshelf, and above the wardrobe is a painting of a sailboat. It's simple, which works very well for Nico.

He sits on the bed and relaxes for a moment. He soon finds that when left alone for even a moment his brain goes to unpleasant places, so he occupies himself by taking his stuff out of the bag. His clothes go into the wardrobe, his books and CDs go into the bookshelf, his Mythomagic cards go deep into the top drawer of the bedside table because he's embarrassed by them but not embarrassed enough to throw them away because he's still kind of proud of his collection.

Nico thinks he should probably be more shaken by the fact that these are all his worldly possessions, but that requires emotional effort, which Nico isn't ready for at the moment. Instead he puts a CD into the CD player and lies back on his bed, hearing the music but not really listening. He stares up at the ceiling, blank and endless, and he closes his eyes and imagines stars.

* * *

Nico must have drifted off because the next thing he knows the door is slamming open and he's jumping into a sitting position, giving out an undignified yelp as the blood suddenly rushes to his head.

When his vision clears, he notices that there's a boy standing at the door. 'Sorry, didn't mean to scare you,' he says cheerfully. 'I'm Leo. I guess you're Nico?'

'Yeah,' Nico says.

'Dodds told me to come call you for lunch,' Leo continues, looking Nico up and down. Leo is smaller than Nico, which Nico didn't think was possible, but his wild curly hair and mischevious grin make up for it.

'Um, okay.' Before Nico can get up, Leo suddenly bounds into the room and climbs onto the bedframe like some sort of monkey, reaching up to grab a CD from the bookshelf

before sitting down next to Nico.  
'Damn, I thought I was the only one who listened to this band,' he says, sounding impressed. Nico tries to process exactly how fast Leo moves and talks, but he doesn't have time to because Leo gets up and says, 'we really gotta go now before the others eat all the food, but you gotta let me come check out your music sometime, okay?'

'Okay,' Nico says, slightly dumbfounded. Leo flashes his wide grin again and says 'c'mon!', practically leaping off the bed and walking down the corridor, Nico stumbling behind him. The walk to the dining hall takes less than two minutes, but Leo keeps up a steady stream of chatter the entire time. Nico can't really keep track of what he's saying, and Leo either doesn't notice or doesn't care that Nico isn't responding.

There aren't as many people as Nico had expected, but the dining hall is huge anyway. He's hit with the intermingling smells of all the different foods there, and it makes him feel slightly sick. Leo, however, breathes it in appreciatively and starts piling up his plate with an almost comical amount of food. He's moving so quickly that Nico can't even stop to think what to pick, so he just grabs the first things he sees and follows Leo to the table he's headed to.

Leo slides in beside a chubby Asian boy and digs in immediately. Nobody seems to notice the new arrivals, and Nico stands there awkwardly, clutching onto his tray and trying not the think of the first day of high school. Eventually Leo pats the seat beside him somewhat impatiently and Nico sits gratefully. He assesses what's on his plate; an apple, orange juice, and a tuna sandwich. He hates tuna. Figures.

'Guys, this is Nico,' Leo announces when he comes up for air. 'He's new here. Nico, meet everyone.' Everyone choruses a 'hello', looking at Nico with a hint of curiosity. He feels his face heat up and curses his pale complexion.

'I'm Frank,' the boy beside Leo says.

'Hazel,' a voice pipes up, and Nico has to lean forward to see the tiny girl hidden beside Frank, who smiles at him sweetly. He returns the smile, although it feels out of place on his face.

'Grover, Percy, Jason,' Leo finishes for them. Nico tries to attach the names to the faces; Grover has tangled dreadlocks and a spacey look on his face, Percy has tanned skin and almost luminous green eyes, and Jason is tall and blond, with pale blue eyes and a serious expression. Nico tries to stop his blush from deepening, but to no avail. His face tends to betray him around attractive boys.

Percy waggles his eyebrows at Nico. 'I think Octavian's taken a liking to you,' he whispers theatrically. Leo turns around without any hint of subtlety and cackles.

'He was totally staring at you,' he snickers to Nico. Nico discreetly glances over his shoulder and sees a stick-thin boy with strawlike hair staring right at him. He turns around and gives Leo a quizzical look.

'He's kind of ... eccentric,' Leo says. 'He'll probably try to read your palm or whatever. Or gut you.'

'Leo,' Hazel reprimands.

'He got sent here for cutting open a bunch of animals,' Leo says conversationally. Nico's eyes widen. _I don't belong here_ , he thinks frantically. _Being framed for shoplifting and killing animals are two very different things._

'We're not all like that,' Percy assures him. 'Like, Clarisse got here for running an all-girl fight club.' He nods to a buff, scary-looking girl a few tables across from them.

'And Annabeth got caught pirating books online, which is like the lamest thing ever,' Leo adds, gesturing to a blond-haired girl at Clarisse's table.

'What about her?' Nico asks, tilting his chin towards the third girl at the table. She has long brown hair with assorted feathers and beads braided into it, and is laughing at something Annabeth said.

'Uh, that's Piper,' Leo says, and Nico doesn't miss how Jason clenches his jaw and swallows tightly. Leo offers no further information, and Nico doesn't ask. He drinks his juice and eats his apple in relative silence for the rest of the meal, listening to Leo's tales and rumors about the other people in the center. He finds his eyes flicking back to Jason, who also remains quiet, seemingly in a world of his own. He's a mystery. Nico's always been bad at puzzles.

* * *

For the second time that day, Nico awakens to Leo in his room. He's roused from mildly uncomfortable dreams, the kind that are forgotten the moment you wake up but leave you feeling uneasy for a while, and Leo is standing over him, whispering 'get up!' rather loudly.

Nico half sits up and rubs the sleep from his eyes. 'What d'you want?' he mutters with difficulty.

'Newbie induction process,' Leo says. 'This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, man. Well, a once in every three weeks opportunity, because that's when Mr D is on night duty and he's always drunk and/or asleep. C'mon, let's go!'

Nico manages to drag himself out of bed and puts on the hoodie that Leo throws at him. He's still half asleep and has no clue what's going on, but he's tired of thinking so he just follows Leo. They tiptoe out of the door and down the hall, past Mr D who's dead asleep in his chair, and then they stop at a heavy-looking metal door.

'It's locked,' Nico says after rattling at the handle.

Leo rolls his eyes. 'No shit. We're delinquents, remember? We gotta be locked up.' He pulls out a bit of twine from his pocket and starts twisting it, fingers flying, and soon it's bent into some weird shape. He inserts it in the keyhole, jiggles it around a bit, and there's a click.

Leo pumps his fist in triumph and opens the door. 'I know, I'm a genius,' he says in response to Nico's awed look. Behind the door is a set of stairs that leads up to the roof. As they climb the wind whips relentlessly at Nico's face, but it feels good to be in the fresh air. As of late, he was always feeling stifled.

The roof is big and empty, except for a group of people huddled in a circle. Nico realizes that they're the group he was sitting with at lunch earlier. Everyone shuffles around to make room for them, and Nico ends up sandwiched between Jason and Percy. He doesn't mind in the slightest.

'Look what my friend snuck in last time he visited,' Percy says in lieu of a greeting, and pulls a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from his pocket. Leo whoops and leans across the circle to grab them from Percy, who puts them back in his pocket.

'Like I'm letting you anywhere near fire,' he scoffs, and Leo sits back somewhat sulkily. Percy lights up three cigarettes and hands one to Leo, one to Grover, and puts the last in his mouth. He doesn't offer any to Hazel or Jason, and they don't ask. Frank looks like he wants to ask for one, but Hazel glares at him and he shuts his mouth, looking resigned.  
Percy holds the pack open to Nico, who gladly grabs one. Percy lights it up for him, and Nico inhales deeply, holding it in his lungs as long as he can before releasing it all in one go. He imagines all his worries unknotting in his stomach and soaring up through his throat and out of his mouth, dissolving into the pale gray smoke.

'So, what is this newbie induction?' Nico asks when he feels the nicotine soothe his frazzled nerves.

Percy shrugs. 'It's pretty lame really,' he admits. 'You come on the roof, you tell us why you got here, and we each get to ask you a question which you have to answer honestly.'

'That is lame,' Nico agrees.

'None of us are all that creative,' Leo says. 'C'mon, spill. How did such an innocent-looking young boy end up in a place like this?'

'Fuck off,' Nico says. 'Anyway, I'm only telling if you all do too.'

Leo raises his eyebrows, but says, 'fine. I set my house on fire. Accidentally. Then another house, but that one wasn't that accidental.'

'Weed,' is all Grover says, although Nico could have guessed that.

'Trespassing on private property,' Percy says with disgust. 'Although that's such bullshit. I was on the beach! How can you own the beach?' He shakes his head. 'I mean, have we as humans really sunk this low? Claiming that we can own nature? I -'

'Okay, we don't need to hear another one of your hippie rants,' Frank interrupts. 'I was in a pretty hardcore fistfight at school and got expelled, so my grandma sent me here.'  
'A fight?' Nico says. 'No offense, but you don't look like the fighting type.'

'They were talking shit about my mom,' Frank says defensively, and Nico just nods. He's only five feet and four inches himself, but if anyone brought up thhe topic of his mother he'd probably strangle them with his bare hands.

'Fraud, technically,' Hazel says. 'My mom was selling fake jewels for a lot of money, and I was in the business so to speak, so I'm an accomplice.'

'I'm an accomplice too, I guess,' Jason says, and Nico almost jumps because he's not used to him speaking yet. 'Someone got caught stealing and tried to blame it on me, but in the end we both took the rap,' Jason says, sounding bitter.

'No way, me too!' Nico says, probably more excitedly than is appropriate for the situation. 'Well, they got off scot-free and I got fucked over, so I guess it's not exactly the same.' Jason cracks a smile at that, a real genuine smile, and Nico thinks it suits him, especially in the soft moonlight. Nico makes it his mission to make Jason smile more.

'Okay, question time!' Leo says brightly, clapping once. 'Me first! Are you straight?'

Percy chokes on his smoke, and Nico snorts. 'No,' he says, and he's surprised how easy it comes out. When he thinks about it, he realizes he's never actually come out to anyone, and here he is, confessing his biggest secret to a group of total strangers. And yet, he feels safe with them, like he knows that he won't be judged here.

The rest of the questions are more innocent - what his ideal superpower would be (being invisible), favorite fish (none, who the fuck knows enough fish to have a favorite?), what would he do if he had a million dollars (travel the world). Grover just keeps giggling, so Leo decides to skip his turn.

Jason thinks for a while before asking, 'what's your favorite constellation?'

Leo groans loudly. 'Why do you always have to be so pretentious? Why can't you ask his favorite color or some shit?' he says in frustration.

Nico just smiles. 'Cassiopeia.'

 

Jason raises his eyebrows. 'How come?'  
'Well, usually in the myths people are turned into constellations as an honor, but for her it was a punishment for being vain. She got put up there so everyone could stare at her, which is pretty embarassing and disturbing, y'know, having the whole world watching you. And I mean, I get it. You want attention from someone, but once you get it you realize it's the last thing you want.' By the end of his little speech everyone is staring at him, and he blushes. 'Or y'know, maybe Canis Major, because a dog in the sky is pretty cool.'

Jason laughs aloud at that, and it makes Nico go an even deeper red.

'Great, we got another philosopher,' Leo sighs. 'I don't think you two should spend too much time in each other's company, for all our sanities.'

They all laugh at that, and then slipp into casual conversation, but out of the corner of his eye Nico can see Jason glancing over at him every now and then. His expression is still unreadable, but it's softer now, less reserved. _His eyes are beautiful,_ Nico thinks, and then tells his mind to shut the hell up. He doesn't check again, but he hopes Jason's still looking.

* * *

Nico has laundry duty first thing in the morning. It isn't fun. He has to sift through piles of dirty things, he's had about two hours of sleep, the detergent smells too strong and is making him feel nauseous, and he's still picking Cheerios out of his hair from that morning's mini food fight. The only saving grace is that Jason is on laundry duty too, and he comes up to Nico and starts working silently beside him. It's a small gesture and probably means nothing, but it doesn't stop Nico's heart from feeling like it's playing jumprope with his intestines.

After many dreary minutes of sorting, Jason finally interacts with Nico, throwing something onto his pile. It's a shirt that once had writing on it but has now faded away. Nico looks at Jason curiously, but his eyes are fixed firmly on the pile in front of him.

Nico decides not to push it, and just puts the shirt into his clothing pile. As he does so, he notices a tag sticking out of the collar with a name printed neatly onto it: Piper M.

Nico probably shouldn't pry, but he's nosy and he wants an excuse to talk to Jason, which seem like two very valid reasons to him. 'Hey, what's the deal with you and Piper?' he asks.

Jason's eyes lift automatically, and Nico follows his gaze to where Piper is sitting on a washing machine, chatting to a girl Nico thinks is called Reyna. He notices that Reyna is doing both her load and Piper's, while Piper does nothing.

'Nothing,' Jason says evenly, after a pause that is slightly too long to be natural.

'Bullshit,' Nico says. 'C'mon, it's not like I'm gonna snitch on you for telling. Besides, everyone else seems to know, so it's not fair to leave me out.' Jason just looks at him, and Nico widens his eyes. 'Please?'

'Piper was my girlfriend. We broke up,' Jason says, throwing a sock into his basket with slightly more force than necessary.

'That's it?' Nico says, slightly disappointed.

'Yes, that's it.' Jason carries his load over to a washing machine, signifying the end of the conversation. Nico decides to drop it. They don't talk after that, but their arms brush against each other three times. Not that Nico's counting.

* * *

Once a week, group therapy is held. Well, it's technically called 'sharing time' (which to Nico sounds like something you'd do in elementary school) but it's basically therapy: they sit in a circle and talk about all their problems.

The group leader is called Rachel, and she doesn't look much older than them. She wears obscure band tees and jeans covered in marker doodles. Nico decides he likes her after a paintbrush falls out of her frizzy red hair and she just puts it back like it's a normal occurrence.

None of his friends are in the same group as him, and it gives Nico an opportunity to learn more about the other kids. Brick, who has to be the most buff guy Nico has ever seen, breaks down crying and reveals that he used to be bullied as a kid for liking unicorns. Lou Ellen, who has a Southern accent and about twenty piercings in her face, complains that her Mormon parents think she's in a cult and does witchcraft. Even Clarisse tears up slightly as she admits that she's scared she'll never find love.

Nico remembers the first day he was there, when he was panicking about not belonging, and realizes suddenly that he does. They're all messed up, they've all been wronged, and they've all been given a chance to redeem themselves. Nico remembers what Brunner told him on his first day there; it's not your mistakes that say something about you, it's how you react to them. He wonders whether he can change. He fervently hopes so.

He's snapped back to reality at the sound of Rachel's soothing voice. 'Piper, you've been quiet. Do you have something to say?' Rachel asks.

Piper, whom Nico hadn't even noticed, smooths her hands down her thighs. 'I'm feeling guilty,' she begins.

'Why's that?' Rachel prompts.

Piper looks uncomfortable for a second before putting a determined face on and standing. 'I know that everyone knows this already, but I'm gonna say it because I'm sick of people whispering about me behind my back,' she announces. 'I am a kleptomaniac. I steal things, and I don't know why. When I finally got caught, I panicked. I tried to put the blame on someone close to me who didn't deserve it. In the end, we both got sent here. I know it was a cowardly thing to do, and I'm not asking for forgiveness from anyone, but I'm trying. I'm trying to get better. And it would be great if someone acknowledged that.'

Piper sits back down and wipes a tear from the corner of her eye. Rachel looks uncomfortable, much like everyone else in the room. Nico knows he should dislike Piper since she hurt Jason, whom Nico has (currently unidentified) feelings towards, but he can't help but admire her. He wishes he had her courage.

'Nico, we haven't heard from you yet,' Rachel says in an attempt to break the awkward silence.

'Uh, I guess I don't really have anything to say,' Nico says slowly. 'Last week, maybe, I would have had a lot to talk about. Like how I lost my mom and my sister and it kind of ruined my whole life, or how I don't really have any friends, or how my dad acts like I don't exist, or how up until four days ago nobody knew I was gay. But I'm done with all that. I don't wanna think about those things anymore. It's not healthy. I want to let it all go and start over. It's not too late.' He swallows and feels hot tears burn his eyes. 'Is it?

Rachel smiles at him. 'No, Nico,' she says gently. 'It's never too late.'

* * *

It's been one week. Nico is halfway through his sentence. He thought the days would drag on endlessly, but time has passed quite quickly. Too quickly for his comfort, in fact. He can't stop thinking about what he's going to do when he gets out. Where is he going to live? What about school? Will his father still support him financially? If not, where the hell is he going to get money?

Although he's trying his best not to show it, people have picked up on the fact that he's nervous. Even Grover, who is barely lucid most of the time, offers Nico "a little something to calm his nerves". (Nico declines.)

Nico isn't expecting anyone on visiting day. He thinks that if he lowers his expectations as much as possible he won't be disappointed, but somehow when the day ends and there's still no sign of his father, Nico is upset. He skips dinner in favor of wallowing in his room, yelling at Percy to fuck off when he comes to check on him. He instantly feels bad afterwards because it isn't Percy's fault. It's my fault, he thinks morosely. After seventeen years of this crap I'm still enough of an idiot to believe I matter to him. To anyone.

He can't sleep, alone in the darkness of his room, forced to listen to the darkness in his mind. Eventually he can't take it anymore and decides he needs some air. He retrieves the makeshift key Leo had given him ('as a sign of officially being a member of Leo and the Machine - we're still working on the name') and heads out of his room, his feet automatically leading him until he reaches the roof.

He's surprised to find he's not alone. He spots a familiar blond head by the very edge of the roof. When he sits beside him, Jason doesn't even look up, like he felt him coming or something.

'What are you doing up here?' Nico says.

'What are you?' Jason counters.

'Running away from my thoughts,' Nico says dryly.

Jason shrugs. 'Same, I guess.'

'I know about Piper,' Nico tells him. 'Why didn't you wanna tell me?'

Jason doesn't respond for a bit, and Nico's given up on getting an answer when he finally does. 'Because it makes me feel stupid,' he says. 'I trusted her, and she betrayed me. I just - I don't like things happening to me that I can't control. It makes me feel weak.'

'You're not weak,' Nico says. 'You got screwed over, so what? It happens to everyone. You can't be in charge of everything that happens to you. Life happens and you just have to let it be.' Nico wishes he could take his own advice.

Jason sighs like something's been lifted off his chest. 'I guess you're right,' he says.

'I usually am,' Nico says, and Jason smiles again, and Nico gets that feeling in his stomach again and he hates how ridiculous it makes him feel but he likes it anyway.

'You know, you don't have to run from your thoughts,' Jason says. 'You can tell me.'

Nico hesitates, thinks about saying no and pretending everything's fine, but he's sick of that. So he takes a deep breath, and on the exhale everything comes tumbing out of him. He tells Jason everything and leaves nothing out, tells him all the ugly truths and shameful secrets, says things he didn't even know he was thinking. At the end of it all, tears are running openly down his cheeks, but for once in his life he doesn't care.

He remembers a quote he read once, something along the lines of "every night you die and every day you are reborn". That's how he feels in this moment. The past is dead and buried, and now he can finally move on.

Jason doesn't say anything for a long time, and just keeps looking at Nico with that infuriatingly cryptic expression. Nico wipes at his eyes. 'Well, shit, I'm the one who looks weak now,' he says in an attempt at joking.

'You're not weak,' Jason said, his voice sounding slightly choked up. 'I think you must be the bravest person I've ever met.' And then he kisses Nico, and Nico finally understands what they mean in the books when they say it's like fireworks going off behind your eyelids and your heart trying to break out of your ribcage and all that shit.

'What was that for?' Nico breathes when they part.

'Because I wanted to,' Jason says simply. 'I've wanted to since I first saw you, and I'm sick of holding back.'

'Me too,' Nico whispers. They lean in once more, and Nico feels like he's learning how to live all over again.

* * *

Jason gets out three days before Nico, and he promises to be there when Nico does. Nico believes him in the moment, but when he's actually standing in the lobby on the day he leaves, carrying everything he owns in a duffel bag over his shoulder, he starts to have doubts that Jason's going to abandon him like everyone else in his life has.

But when he exits the building Jason is there, leaning on the side of a battered blue car, and when he spots Nico his eyes light up and there's that smile that Nico loves so much. They hug tightly and they kiss deeply and Nico knows everything's going to be okay.

Jason puts Nico's bag in the trunk and motions for him to get into the backseat, sliding in beside him. There's a girl in the front seat with spiky black hair and lots of clunky black jewelry and those eyes Nico knows so well.

'Nico, this is my sister, Thalia,' Jason says, and Nico holds out a hand for her to shake. Instead, he finds himself enveloped in an uncomfortable hug over the headrest.

'Jason tells me you need a place to stay,' Thalia says. 'It just so happens that Jason has also been kicked out by our asshole father, and I have a spare bed and couch in my apartment. You in?'

Nico doesn't even think about it. 'I'm in.'

He's in almost the exacr same position he was in two weeks ago; in the back of someone's car, not sure where the hell he's going, not sure what he's going to do next. He looks down at his hands out of habit. The scars on his knuckles have faded, and Jason's fingers have found their way through his.

Nico remembers reading that once humans had two heads and four legs and four arms, and then the gods split them apart and they had to spend the rest of their lives searching for their other half. He doesn't know if that's true or not, but he's pretty sure this is the closest he's ever going to get. And he's decidedly okay with that.


End file.
